With This Knife
by ItWasOnlyAWhim
Summary: It's a normal day at the boarding house, until Damon starts drinking. With the alcohol comes buried, painful memories of his beloved, Elena.


**AN: I am so sorry for the long wait, but I will try to update my other story, soon, I promise.**

**Summary: Pretty simple; It's just a regular day at the boarding house until Damon starts drinking. With the alcohol comes buried, painful memories of his beloved, Elena, who is no longer with us. :'(**

**With This Knife**

_With this knife I will cut out the heart of me,_

_The heart that cares for you._

_With this knife, I will cut out the part of me,_

_The part that cares for you._

With This Knife – Smile Empty Soul

He's standing at the window, watching her as she spins with her arms wide, catching the small snowflakes of her tongue. Her chocolate brown hair dancing in the wind as the snowflakes become precious diamonds as they knit into her hair. _How can one person be so beautiful? _Even to this day, he still cannot believe that, even after everything he had done, she chose to be with him. She suddenly stops spinning and he becomes alarmed at her sudden stillness. His distress fades as a smile spreads across her beautiful face. "I love you," she mouths, placing her hand over her heart, while blowing him a kiss with the other. His heart, if it could, skips several beats and his insides melt to nothing.

"I love you, too," he says, placing his hand on the cool glass of the window. The glass is freezing against his palm, but he can't feel it, he's too numb. He knows that she can't hear him, but he says those three words anyway, hoping against hope that somewhere she is watching him. He smiles to himself, remembering. His eyes drift to the floor; he's trying hard to ignore the stinging behind them. _I will not do this again, _he thinks, a single tear falling from his blue eyes. He looks up, staring out the window again. Snow is falling hard now, almost blinding in its descent. His hand falls from the window to rest on his glass of bourbon; his new best friend. _Please, please, stop tormenting me,_ he pleads with her. Her brown eyes are shining with the gleam off the snow. He wishes that she would just leave him alone, for he can't take this heartache.

He grips the glass, bringing it to his lips. Her ghost tugging at his heartstrings, he downs his liquid anesthetic, praying for relief. But, sadly, the relief is short lived. The sound of her child-like laughter fills his ears making him long to touch her again. Her smell fills the room and he is lost in the memory of her for the time being. Regretfully, he pushes the memory of her as far back into his mind as possible and walks across the room to fill his glass, again.

The day had dragged on slowly, the snow falling unrelentingly. His mind had been filled with thoughts of her the whole day he had seen her in every room in his house. Every time he'd seen her he had opened another bottle of liquor wanting it to be over. Lying in his bed, he knows that his dreams, like all of his others dream, would be filled with images and memories of her. Staring at the ceiling, he prays for some type of rest, but it never comes. His eyes close, but he can't feel the unconscious, weightlessness of sleep take over. Sighing heavily, he opens his eyes, rolling to his side. _Please, not again,_ he thinks sighing as he catches the shock of skin from the other side of his bed. She is all that he sees, her olive skin gleaming in the small rays of the moonlight that trickle through his curtains, her long, brown hair fanning across the pillow, and her scent of lavender filling his nostrils. His eyes trace her every curve, wanting to badly to hold her. His heartache when he hears her stir. She rolls over, facing him, eyes groggy and tired. She smiles at him, sleepily. "Haven't you slept any?" she asks, yawning.

"Go back to sleep," he breathes, regretting his decision to fuel the hallucination. She mumble an 'I love you' and then drifts back into unconsciousness and his heart aches looking at her knowing that soon it will be over, all too quickly. He moves onto his back and continues staring at the ceiling. _Please, _he prays, _just let me sleep._ He closes his eyes, but sleep doesn't come. He sighs heavily and continues to stare at the ceiling, blocking all thoughts of her, until the first rays of daylight peek through his window. He reaches his hand to the nightstand, clutching to the only constant in his life now and drinks her memory away.

**So how was it? Tell me in a review!**

**I'm off to go find inspiration... that inspiration being TVD reruns :D  
**


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